Olaz's Folly - A Cautionary Tale of Laser Guns, Cave Ladies, and the Perils of Deceit
In a time long forgotten by history, where towering cliffs and dense forests ruled the land, there lived a caveman named Throg, a visionary among his people, which is to say he had ideas that didn't involve hitting things with rocks. With unmatched strength and intelligence, he crafted a wooden armor inspired by tales of a mythical metal man, much to the confusion and occasional amusement of his contemporaries, who thought he'd gone a bit funny in the head.
Throg's armor was a marvel of ancient engineering, or at least it would have been if ancient engineering had been a thing. Each piece was meticulously carved from the sturdiest trees, adorned with tribal carvings that told stories of his ancestors' valor, wisdom, and occasional mishaps with fire. The armor was lightweight yet incredibly strong, allowing Throg to move with the agility and power of a particularly athletic tree.
But Throg was also known for his incredible musical talent. He had a unique instrument made of multi-colored geckos that, when struck with his club, produced sounds akin to a guitar being played by someone who had never seen a guitar before. Throg's most famous cover was of a mythical song called "Thunderstruck," cleverly renamed "Gecko Hero," which the geckos appreciated, or at least didn't openly object to.
One fateful day, as Throg roamed the land, he spotted a colossal airship in the sky, a creation of a distant, advanced civilization that had clearly misplaced their GPS. The airship cast a shadow over the forest, causing the animals to scatter in fear, or perhaps just in search of a quieter spot for their afternoon nap.
Before making his move, Throg decided to play "Gecko Hero." The forest came alive with the sound, or at least with a sense of mild bemusement. The animals, once frightened, gathered around Throg, mesmerized by the enchanting melody, or possibly just wondering what on earth was going on.
Summoning all his strength and courage, Throg sprinted to the highest cliff and leapt into the air, aiming directly for the airship. His wooden armor absorbed the impact without shattering, which was fortunate, as shattering tends to put a damper on heroic escapades.
Throg swiftly destroyed the airship's engines with powerful swings of his club, each one exploding into fragments and likely voiding the vessel's warranty. Inside the hangar bay, an alien named Olaz, known as "Oil of Olaz" for his slippery deceit, plotted to frame Throg for stealing a laser gun, hoping to impress cave ladies with his ill-gotten weapon. What a whacko.
As the airship plummeted towards the distant hills, Throg held on, his wooden armor creaking under the strain but holding firm. He leapt from the vessel just before it crashed, watching as it shattered upon the hills, sending up a plume of smoke and debris.
Making his way through the wreckage, Throg found Olaz attempting to flee with the stolen laser gun. In a fierce battle, Throg disarmed Olaz with a few well-aimed thwacks, marking him as a threat. Throg exposed Olaz's deceit to the alien crew using gestures and the universal language of truth (which, as mentioned, often involves hitting things with clubs). The crew, now understanding the situation, bound Olaz and vowed to bring him to justice, or at least to a stern talking-to about the proper way to court cave ladies, which decidedly did not involve purloined firearms.
Victorious, Throg made his way back to his secret cave lair, hidden behind a waterfall and accessible only by a complex series of club-strikes on a rock face. Inside, he sat by a fire, playing a soothing melody on his geckos, ready for whatever challenges the future might bring. The legacy of the NCA and the 2nd Amendment Society lived on through him, ensuring the right to protect and preserve his world with honor, tradition, and the occasional well-timed thwack. And if those challenges involved hitting things with clubs or providing relationship advice to misguided aliens, well, Throg was more than prepared.
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Battle Log
Round 1:
- Throg (AC 18, HP 120) uses "Leap of Faith" to jump onto the airship (DEX check: 15, success).
- Olaz (AC 14, HP 80) uses "Laser Blast" (attack roll: 8, miss).
- Throg uses "Engine Smasher" on Propeller Engine 1 (attack roll: 20, hit), deals 18 damage (Engine HP: 50 -> 32).
Round 2:
- Throg uses "Club Smash" (attack roll: 19, hit), deals 12 damage to Olaz (HP: 80 -> 68).
- Olaz uses "Deceptive Plea" (CHA check: 6, failure).
- Throg uses "Propeller Pounder" on Propeller Engine 2 (attack roll: 17, hit), deals 14 damage (Engine HP: 50 -> 36).
Round 3:
- Throg uses "Thundering Thwack" (attack roll: 24, critical hit), deals 28 damage to Olaz (HP: 68 -> 40).
- Olaz uses "Desperate Escape" (DEX check: 11, failure).
- Throg uses "Gecko Groove" to inspire himself (Performance check: 18, success), gains advantage on next attack.
Round 4:
- Throg uses "Pursuit of Justice" with advantage (attack roll: 16, hit), deals 15 damage to Olaz (HP: 40 -> 25).
- Olaz uses "Butter Fingers" (WIS check: 4, failure), drops the laser gun.
- Throg uses "Whirling Wallop" on Propeller Engine 3 (attack roll: 22, hit), deals 20 damage (Engine HP: 50 -> 30). The airship starts to plummet (Airship HP: 150 -> 120).
Round 5:
- Throg uses "Disarming Strike" (attack roll: 21, hit), deals 10 damage to Olaz (HP: 25 -> 15).
- Olaz uses "Surrender" (WIS check: 18, success), accepting defeat.
- The airship crashes into the hills (Airship HP: 120 -> 0), Throg leaps to safety just in time.
Outcome:
Throg emerges victorious, having thwarted Olaz's deceitful plot, destroyed the alien airship, and upheld the values of honor and tradition. The alien crew, impressed by Throg's strength and wisdom, vow to bring Olaz to justice and learn from the caveman's example. Throg returns to his secret lair, his legend growing, ready to face whatever challenges the future may bring.
Character Statistics:
Throg
- Class: Barbarian
- AC: 18
- HP: 120
- Abilities:
- Leap of Faith: DEX check (DC 15)
- Engine Smasher: Attack roll (1d20 + modifiers), damage (1d10 + modifiers)
- Club Smash: Attack roll (1d20 + modifiers), damage (1d8 + modifiers)
- Propeller Pounder: Attack roll (1d20 + modifiers), damage (1d8 + modifiers)
- Thundering Thwack: Attack roll (1d20 + modifiers, critical on 20), damage (2d10 + modifiers)
- Gecko Groove: Performance check (DC 15), gain advantage on next attack
- Pursuit of Justice: Attack roll (1d20 + modifiers, advantage if inspired), damage (1d10 + modifiers)
- Whirling Wallop: Attack roll (1d20 + modifiers), damage (1d12 + modifiers)
- Disarming Strike: Attack roll (1d20 + modifiers), damage (1d8 + modifiers)
Backstory:
Throg hails from the rugged mountains of Gorath, where he was raised among a tribe of fierce warriors known for their unbreakable spirit and indomitable will. As a young warrior, Throg's immense strength and agility set him apart from his peers, earning him the nickname "The Thunderous One." His prowess in battle and his ability to inspire his comrades led him to become a leader within his tribe. Throg's journey has taken him across many lands, facing countless challenges and adversaries. His most recent mission involves thwarting the nefarious plans of Olaz and his airship, a task that Throg has taken on with relentless determination.
Olaz
- Class: Sorcerer
- AC: 14
- HP: 80
- Abilities:
- Laser Blast: Attack roll (1d20 + modifiers), damage (1d8 + modifiers)
- Deceptive Plea: CHA check (DC 15)
- Desperate Escape: DEX check (DC 15)
- Butter Fingers: WIS check (DC 15), on failure drops an item
- Surrender: WIS check (DC 15), on success concedes defeat
Backstory: Olaz is an alien from the distant planet of Thorgaz, a world known for its advanced technology and powerful sorcerers. Born into a noble family, Olaz is rumored to be a relative of the great Moff leader of Thorgaz, a connection that has granted him access to both formidable resources and dangerous secrets. From a young age, Olaz exhibited a unique talent for combining magic with technology, creating powerful devices that were unmatched by his peers. However, his thirst for power led him to break the strict codes of his society, resulting in his exile. Now, as a rogue sorcerer, Olaz travels the universe aboard his alien dropship, seeking to dominate and control with his formidable inventions. Despite his fall from grace, Olaz's cunning and resourcefulness make him a dangerous adversary.
Stormcaller
Object: Alien Dropship
- Propeller Engine HP: 50 each (x3)
- Airship HP: 150
- Abilities:
- Damage Tracking: Keeps track of damage to engines and airship
- Plummeting Effect: When any engine is damaged, airship HP decreases
- Atmospheric Flight: The dropship can seamlessly transition between different layers of a planet's atmosphere, allowing for high-speed maneuvers and evasion.
- Orbital Flight: The dropship is capable of entering and exiting a planet's orbit, enabling it to travel through space and re-enter atmospheres without damage.
- Hovering Stability: The propellers allow the dropship to hover in place with precision, providing a stable platform for launching attacks or making rapid descents.
- Advanced Shields: The dropship is equipped with energy shields that absorb a portion of incoming damage, reducing overall damage by 10% until shields are depleted.
- Stealth Mode: The dropship can activate a cloaking device that makes it invisible to most detection methods for short periods (up to 10 minutes).
Backstory: The alien dropship, named "The Stormbringer," is a marvel of extraterrestrial engineering, crafted by the Thorgaz. Capable of traveling both within and beyond the atmosphere, the Stormbringer is equipped with advanced propulsion systems and powerful engines that allow it to hover like a shield carrier. The propellers provide stability and maneuverability, making the dropship a formidable vessel in both combat and transportation. Its enchanted armor and cutting-edge technology enable it to withstand significant damage, while its propeller engines are crucial for maintaining its hovering capability. The Stormbringer has been Olaz's mobile fortress, allowing him to evade capture and execute his plans from the skies. The airship's downfall, however, came at the hands of the relentless barbarian, Throg, who saw through Olaz's deceptions and fought bravely to stop him.
Song of the Sages:
Olaz's deceit was brought to bay.
With wisdom, strength, and honesty,
Throg showed that right will always be.
Though tech may dazzle, impress, and awe,
It's integrity that wins the war.
So let this lesson guide your way,
And choose the path of truth each day.
Next Episode: How Throg built an Einstein Rosen Bridge in Leer an prevented the fission of round Haystacks.